Written by Meredith Lewanowicz

Valentine’s Day has an interesting effect on people. For those who desire marriage, the adorable social media posts of cheerful couples can amplify the pain of singleness. For those who are enjoying singleness, the focus on romantic relationships can make you feel less valued because of your single status.

If you are a Christian who is single (whether you’re happy about your singleness or not), I want to remind you of six things that are true for you.

1. You are whole

In a world that sees sexual expression as integral to our humanity, Christian singleness (which means celibacy) can seem like a half-life. In particular cases where marriage has been over-emphasized in a way that devalues singleness, singles can begin to feel as if they are inadequate or insufficient until they get married.

On the contrary, as a Christian, single or married, you are whole in Christ. When God created humans, He made them in His image. While men and women reflect the image of God together, we both share the same imago dei nature as individuals. Our value and purpose are fixed by the God who made us and called us very good. If you’re a Christian, Jesus says of you…

Last, but not least, if you’re tempted to see yourself as incomplete or lacking something because of your singleness, remember this: Your Savior Jesus—the most perfect and complete human in all of history—was a single man without a home (Matthew 8:20).

2. Your longing for marriage is valid

If you would like to be married one day, know that this desire is a good thing, not something to feel guilty about. While we must recognize that wholeness comes from Christ, that doesn’t mean that desiring marriage is automatically an idol. God designed marriage. It’s a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the Church. To desire marriage is to desire a good gift from God. Scripture paints a picture of being sorrowful, yet always rejoicing (2 Corinthians 6:10)—rejoicing in the unshakeable hope of belonging to Jesus and awaiting the wedding supper of the Lamb, but also lamenting the lack of a good gift. Praise God we can bring this lamentation to Him. If you desire marriage, pour out your heart to God. He knows your longings already and can use them to drive you closer to Him. And don’t hesitate to ask Him for the gift of marriage (and ask those around you to pray for you as well).

3. You’re being sanctified

It’s not uncommon to hear the phrase, “marriage is the most sanctifying relationship.” And you know what? It’s true … but only for married people. For single people, singleness is the most sanctifying relationship status. How can I say this? Because God knows what He’s doing, and His will for all believers is their sanctification (1 Thessalonians 4:3). God will sanctify you through whatever means He chooses. Those means might change at any point—you might get married, you might lose your job, you might have children, your spouse might pass away or leave. God doesn’t need a specific set of circumstances to sanctify You. It is God Himself who sanctifies you, married or single. So, heed the words of the Apostle Paul, and let “each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him” (1 Corinthians 7:17).

*On another note, if anyone ever tells you as a single person that marriage is the most sanctifying thing, just tell them, “Phew! I must not need that much sanctification then!”

Okay maybe don’t say that…

4. Your highest calling is trusting, following, and belonging to Jesus

To combat the world’s devaluing of marriage and parenthood, sometimes we can go so far in the opposite direction that we set up marriage and parenthood as a Christian’s highest calling. As a result, single people are left feeling unable to fulfill their God-given duty unless they marry and have kids. While our calling might be lived out in the context ofmarriage, it starts before and goes beyond marriage.

Your highest calling is to trust and follow Jesus—and this is not a consolation prize for those who don’t get married. This is true for single and married people. You may have the best spouse on the planet, but Jesus is the Lover of your soul and the One in whom you were made to find life and joy. You are made to know Him and make Him known, and your relationship status does not replace this calling. If you get married one day, your mission is to keep knowing Jesus and making Him known right alongside your spouse.

5. You have unique opportunities

While we must be cautious not to presume on single people’s time just because they don’t have a spouse or kids, we are more likely to have a bit more flexibility than our married friends and parents (there are always exceptions of course). How might God be calling you to use your time? Can you serve in a ministry at church? Intentionally befriend your non-Christian co-workers with a goal of sharing the Gospel? Mentor a younger believer at church?

It’s easy to use the time we have as singles only for ourselves. And while we must steward our health and avoid the extremes of burnout and overexertion, we must also avoid complacency and selfishness with our time. Ask the Lord to show you how to love Him and love others with your time. And remember this: In laying down your life you will always find life in Christ.

6. You need the Church and the Church needs you

The Spirit of God has made single Christians just as much a part of the body of Christ, the family of God, as their married friends. Your role in the church is equally critical, and I don’t just mean babysitting. God instructs you to build up your fellow believers, address one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, stir one another up to love and good works, lay down your life, consider others more significant than yourself, and submit to one another. Singles need to receive these things from the body of Christ and contribute them to the body of Christ.

Singles, be wary of separating yourselves from the married couples in your community. While your relationship statuses might be different, you are all one in Christ Jesus—and you are vital to the health of His Body.

A final note

While some of you may be single with no eye toward marriage, others may hope for the gift of marriage one day. But some of you may be looking at lifelong singleness for another reason: an unchanged struggle with same-sex attraction. I want to honor and commend you for your commitment to Jesus. And if you’re wavering, let me assure you that Jesus really is worth it—on your easy days and your excruciatingly hard days. Not only that, He overflows with compassion for you. He is not indifferent to your struggles in any way, and He is fully committed to your joy. Don’t walk this road alone. If you haven’t taken time to talk with one of the pastors God has blessed our church with, I encourage you to do so. You will find compassionate care from faithful shepherds. They love you, and so does this church.

Recommended resources on singleness

7 Myths About Singleness by Sam Allberry

Not Yet Married by Marshall Segal

Gay Girl, Good God by Jackie Hill Perry

Why Does God Care Who I Sleep With? by Sam Allberry

Meredith Lewanowicz is a member of KingsWay Community Church, works as a Writer & Copyeditor for The Colson Center for Christian Worldview, and enjoys reading, walks, film photography, and listening to podcasts in her free time.

 
KingsWay Communications