Julie Hagen
KingsWay member Julie Hagen shares how the Lord met her in a season of weariness and used her church community and His Word to minister deep renewal to her soul.
In case you don’t know, my name is Julie- wife of Will and mom to Connor, Kailey and Chad.
I have been a part of KingsWay for over 30 years. I met Will here on my first day of visiting and about a year later, we were married. We raised our three adult children here- Connor is still here, Chad lives in Dallas and is a member of a local church near him, and Kailey is a member of a local church in the area.
When I started attending KingsWay, we met in Midlothian High School across the street and later moved to Swift Creek Middle School. While Will served at the sound board for over 20 years, I served in KingsKids probably that long or near it, as well. We’ve always attended a Community Group over the years, and have always seen that as being very important, and have always seen serving in the church as being important.
When Will and I got married, we had almost no money. A friend in the church loaned me her wedding dress, someone else in the church altered it for me, another friend in the church was my wedding coordinator and Community Groups brought appetizers. It truly was a church event!
But then, just as with all of us, life happened.
After we moved into our building, we grew quite quickly, and possibly doubled in size.
But then, just as quickly, we lost about half of our members through a church split. Even though it was a difficult thing to walk through, and I wouldn’t wish it on any church, I was full of faith that everything was going to be ok. I even thought that perhaps some of the people that had left would come back. Time went on, and the majority didn’t come back. I know that through all of it, God did a major work in our hearts. But with all the drama that remained around it for a while, I began to become disheartened.
Several years after that my sister, who was my best friend, passed away. God gave me such grace to walk through the last days with her, but afterwards, I noticed an underlying sadness that stayed with me for quite awhile.
About two years later, our church went through a difficult time again. With this, I went through a season of time not even wanting to tell people where I went to church. Will and I considered leaving KingsWay and visited a few churches. But for some reason, God kept us here.
I was a homeschooling mom for many years, but then we believed God was leading us to put all of our kids in school and I began working full time outside of the home.
In my current position I am responsible for a lot of things in the day to day of operations, and it can be very taxing. As well, I am an introvert but in my job I have to be “on” all the time and it leaves me feeling very drained. I began to become very weary and felt like I had nothing to give outside of work and home.
Over the years, I think one thing was sort of building on top of the other.
At some point, in my heart, I began to withdraw from church. Even though church life had been so important years ago, I didn’t want to be at church on a Sunday morning. Also, at some point, I stopped serving at church. I was here most Sundays, but only because of the faithfulness of God and the faithfulness of my husband. I knew Will wanted me here, and so Sunday after Sunday, even though my heart wasn’t in it, I would still come.
On some Sundays, I would look around at others and wonder what made them want to be here. I would hear new people talking about the good they saw at Kingsway, and I would wish that I could see it too. It was as though I had become blind to seeing the good that was here. I felt like I couldn’t pull myself out of this hole that I was in.
But then God began to speak to my heart. It was a process, but He began to do a good work. And I am grateful.
About two years ago, the Holy Spirit began to impress upon me that I needed to be at the Sunday night prayer meetings as well as the Members meetings.
Then, about this time last year, I had heard they needed someone to volunteer at the KingKids desk. I knew that if I was going to serve somewhere it had to be somewhere that it wouldn’t take a lot out of me.
Just this year, as I was reading Psalm 23, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me and I believe this is where God really met me.
First, He pointed out, “He restores my soul.” As you can probably tell, for quite a while, my soul was not doing very well. Restore means, “give back, return, to bring back to or put back in a former or original state”. It seemed to me that He was saying He was going to restore, refresh, renew and revive me. It was a promise He was giving me.
Then, He pointed out, “You prepare a table before me”. When I’ve read this before, I’ve always likened this to a meal that He has for me in heaven. But He showed me that He has set a table before me while here on this earth. He has a feast for me here.
Part of that feast is that when I’m hearing the preached word, He is feeding me. When I’m at the Sunday night prayer meeting, He is giving me a drink of cold water and speaking hope to my heart; when I am greeting at the front door, or I’m serving at the Kingskids Admin desk, He is bringing refreshment to me, through the ones I’m serving with, or through others that I’m coming in contact with. When I’m at Community Group, He is reviving me, and He’s encouraging me through what others are sharing.
He’s doing all of this through His Holy Spirit and through the members of His body that He has placed me in.
Now I don’t have to look around saying, I wish I knew what they see, because God has opened my eyes, and has and is doing a wonderful work in my heart, and He’s using you all to do this whether we know one another or not.
And in those times my feelings say that I don’t want to come to church, or serve on a particular day, I remember that He has a feast for me, and it causes me to want to be here. He is indeed feeding me and giving me drink for my weary soul.
If you are walking through similar things and are feeling disillusioned, or disheartened, my hope is to encourage you that God has set a place at the table for you. He has a feast for you, He wants to refresh you and revive you through His Holy Spirit and through the body of believers that He has placed you in. He wants to feed you and bring refreshment to your soul, just as He has done for me.
Julie Hagen